Catholic Marriage in a Fallen World

Lucia, one of the children who received a visit from the Blessed Virgin Mary at Fatima, wrote to Cardinal Carlo Caffarra in the early 1980s explaining that there would be a battle with Satan over marriage and the family.¹ Back in 2006, Pope Benedict XVI listened to reflections on Good Friday in Rome which were written by Archbishop Angelo Comastri, which mentioned, “Today we seem to be witnessing a kind of anti-Genesis, a counter-plan, a diabolical pride aimed at eliminating the family.”² Yet the Church has been aware of threats to the family for decades, and popes have been diligently trying to fortify marriage against all odds.³ A turning point was Pope St. Paul VI’s Encyclical, Humanae vitae, which was promulgated at the height of the sexual revolution and argued against contraception and abortion.⁴ Unfortunately, not all bishops supported this, and five decades after the sexual revolution, amid its spiraling effects, confusion reigns. All of the consequences which Paul VI predicted in Humanae vitae have come true.⁵

This article will provide a brief historical perspective on issues affecting marriage, a discussion of language and relativism, and an explanation of what marriage truly is via Pope Pius XI’s encyclical Casti Connubii. Relying on other magisterial documents, including Pope St. Paul VI’s Humanae vitae and Pope St. John Paul II’s Fides et ratio, this paper will propose a fresh approach which acknowledges that a spiritual battle is being waged, and that this battle needs to be fought through friendship with Christ. Various efficacious strategies will be offered, including prayer, the sacraments, service, Biblical teaching, adoration of the Holy Eucharist, and chastity.

Historical Perspective

On July 6, 1535, St. Thomas More was beheaded for defying King Henry VIII’s order to take an oath which he could not accept as it violated his belief in the sanctity of the family.⁶ Fast forward four hundred years to 1930, where resolution fifteen of the Church of England’s seventh Lambeth Conference permitted “the use of contraceptives under certain conditions for married couples in the Anglican Church.”⁷ This was the first time any Christian church had approved of contraception. Pius XI quickly responded on December 31, 1930, with Casti Connubii, an encyclical on Christian marriage which forbade the use of contraception.⁸ He noted that the divine institution of marriage was “often scorned and on every side degraded,” while stressing that the young are the easiest prey, and for them “the worst snares are laid.”⁹

These words could easily be describing our own era in 2024, nearly one hundred years later, with even more shocking vices being acclaimed, particularly abortion. John Paul II decried the “culture of death” that has emerged in our social, legal, and medical systems due to threats to life, and he noted that consciences have been darkened, making it difficult to distinguish between good and evil concerning the gift of life.¹⁰ Additionally, Fr. Hardon lamented the tremendous suffering due to abortion in the “souls of the just,” which he considered to be white martyrdom.¹¹

The Problem of Language as a Result of Relativism

Writing this paper has not been easy because words no longer contain their intended meaning. The very words “woman,” “mother,” and “marriage,” so foundational to society, have been distorted and muddied. To speak is not easy. Benedict XVI noted that same-sex marriage is not a question of discrimination, but rather,

of what constitutes the human person as a man or as a woman, and which union should receive a legal form. . . . If homosexual unions are perceived more and more as enjoying the same standing as marriage, then we are truly facing a dissolution of the image of humankind bearing consequences that can only be extremely grave.¹²

Yet one cannot speak about this today without being severely excoriated. According to Plato, language is effective when “its words express reality with as little distortion and as little omission as possible,”¹³ which is hard to do without a belief in objective truth.

Fr. Hardon has described the prince of this world as the devil whose nature is to lie and to murder. The devil is a destroyer of human life and a deceiver of the human mind.¹⁴ In our era the devil’s main goal is to deceive us concerning human freedom by separating our free will from learning the truth and submitting our wills to the will of God. Hardon explains:

Because the devil is a liar, he is not consistent. He has seduced people into thinking that they, and not God, are the arbiters of moral behavior. This, we know, is not true. But once you make your own will the final judge of what is good, you become a prisoner of your own selfish urges and thus lose every vestige of authentic freedom.¹⁵

John Paul II discusses the problem of relativism in great detail in Fides et ratio, and he notes that what has appeared is nihilism, or a philosophy of nothingness.¹⁶ This is why he strongly advocates for the reintegration of faith and reason.¹⁷

The Conundrum: Is There a Solution?

The Slippery Slope

With so many ills befalling the traditional Christian family, one wonders if it is too late. Many young Catholics are not getting married at all, some cannot find partners even when they want to get married,¹⁸ and 51% of adults under thirty say an open marriage is acceptable.¹⁹ Several cities in Massachusetts have given polyamorous couples the same rights as married couples.²⁰ According to Fr. Petri, president of the Dominican House of Studies,

Back before Obergefell, the Supreme Court decision that legalized same sex marriage, many of us were already arguing that same sex marriage would lead to polygamy and polyamorous marriages. Once you separate marriage from being a union, a faithful exclusive union of one man and one woman for the sake of having children and raising children in the best possible situation for those children, then there’s no logic to keeping it simply limited to two people. This is the slippery slope.²¹

What is Marriage?

According to Pope Pius XI, Jesus Christ ordained marriage in a special manner as the “principle and foundation of domestic society and therefore all human intercourse, but also raised it to the rank of a truly and great sacrament of the New Law.”²² Moreover, “matrimony was not instituted or restored by man but by God” and thus it is not subject to human decrees or interference.²³ Paul VI explained that every marital act needs to be open to new life and that the unitive and procreative aspects of the marital act must be honored.²⁴ Free will plays an important role for those who decide to enter into marriage, and the souls of the married couple are joined more intimately than are their bodies.²⁵ St. Augustine states that the blessings of matrimony are offspring, conjugal faith, and the sacrament, and we can see that the child holds the first place among these blessings.²⁶ Children are to be educated and are to learn to love God and to become saints, so that “the worshippers of God and Our Savior may daily increase.”²⁷ The married couple needs to love one another in the same way that Christ loved the Church, with a holy and pure love, and marriage “must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life.” This way they will grow in virtue and in true love toward God and their neighbor.²⁸ Pius XI even goes so far as to say that the main purpose of marriage is for husband and wife to help sanctify one another.²⁹ This is beautiful, and in order to do so, developing a more intimate relationship with Christ is requisite.

God as the Source of Love

According to John Paul II, “As the source of love, God desires to make himself known; and the knowledge which the human being has of God perfects all that the human mind can know of the meaning of life.”³⁰ Moreover, “God speaks to men and women as friends and lives among them.”³¹ Pope Benedict XVI in the Jesus of Nazareth series sought to help everyone foster a relationship with Christ,³² and he exhorted the young people of the Netherlands as follows: “Dear friends, Jesus is your true friend and Lord; enter into a relationship of true friendship with him! He is expecting you and in him alone will you find happiness.”³³ This is the secret to reviving marriage amid our current struggles and strife. Although members of the Church have failed us, only in the Church can the truth be found. And this friendship with Christ is indispensable for all, not solely for married couples.

The Solution: Friendship with Christ

Spiritual Battle & the Delicacy of Relationship

This section will offer strategies that enable us to deepen our relationship with Christ and thereby equip ourselves to fight the spiritual battle which is currently being waged within our midst. The gravity of this combat cannot be underestimated, as Fr. Hardon has warned: “Let me make it very clear. We cannot be ordinary followers of Christ. Only those who are holy and heroic Catholics will even survive, not to say thrive, in today’s society.”³⁴ Yet fighting a spiritual battle in many ways seems to be an abstract concept to us when faced with decisions in our daily lives in a society that has left Christianity behind. Therefore, developing a personal relationship with Christ will provide the strength needed to follow him faithfully through thick and thin. Moreover, it is essential that we adhere to some daily devotional practices to enhance our faith.

In the current spiritual battle, motherhood and womanhood are under extreme threat. Yet there is a crisis among fathers too, as Benedict XVI has pointed out: “It is not always easy today to talk about fatherhood, especially in the Western world. Families are broken, the workplace is ever more absorbing, families worry and often struggle to make ends meet and the distracting invasion of the media invades our daily life.”³⁵ This indicates that when women and mothers are denigrated, fathers are affected too. Indeed, the whole family suffers, particularly children. Therefore, at this juncture, we need to develop a personal relationship with Christ all the more fervently. As Ambrose Gardiel has explained:

He [Jesus Christ] defined this life by vigorously contrasting the idea of friendship with God to the idea of serving God. “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn 15:15 RSV). The originality of our Christian lives is built upon the idea of a life shared with God, bound together in friendship and nourished on a gracious communication in the secrets of the divine life (see ST II-II, q. 23, a. I).³⁶

The Gospel of Matthew reinforces this when Jesus says:

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Mt 11:28–30 NRSVCE).

To Jesus Through Mary

And what better way to develop a friendship with Christ than by learning to pray the Rosary? By praying the mysteries of the Rosary, we learn about Jesus’ life through the Joyful mysteries, we recall his public ministry with the Luminous mysteries, we suffer with Christ during the Sorrowful mysteries, and we reflect on the Resurrection during the Glorious mysteries. There is no better way to get to know Christ. He “stands at the door and knocks” (Rev 3:20), but it is we who have to open the door.

In addition, praying the Rosary helps us to get close to the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Immaculate Conception, Jesus’ mother. This is beneficial during a time when people do not know what a woman is, because Mary is overflowing with obedience to the will of God in total surrender, she ponders the gifts of her Son, and her heart was pierced with a sword too. As John Paul II explains, “Mary’s mediation is intimately linked with her motherhood.”³⁷ By praying to Mary, we are also deepening our relationship with her earthly spouse, St. Joseph. St. Joseph will always watch over those devoted to his wife and Son. Thus, we learn about the Holy Family, and this enables us — regardless of our personal situation — to be enveloped in the love of a family totally united to God, with the second Person of the Holy Trinity infusing the family with light. This is a mystery that cannot be explained, but praying the Rosary will open up these mysteries to one’s heart, and will bring one closer to Christ. Indeed, as John Paul II exclaimed, the Church  “sees Mary maternally present and sharing in the many complicated problems which today beset the lives of individuals, families and nations; she sees her helping the Christian people in the constant struggle between good and evil.”³⁸ Finally, there are many great saints who loved the Blessed Virgin Mary as well, and it is wise to read what they have to say, to reflect on their wisdom and to submerse oneself in their love for her.

Sacraments, Service and Free Will

While prayer is helpful and essential, prayer alone is not enough. One must go to Mass regularly and partake of Holy Communion in a state of grace after having gone to confession. After all, according to Cardinal Karol Wojtyla, later Pope St. John Paul II, “The Eucharist is the food which satisfies man’s deepest hunger.”³⁹ Jesus is in the Church, and we are his hands and feet, the members of his body. If possible, it is helpful to do service for the Church too. The relationship with Christ is delicate and must be nourished; he will not force himself upon us but will respect our free will. Reading Sacred Scripture helps us get to know him. We can recall the story of Elijah from 1 Kings 19:11–13:

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

In order to hear the whisper of God’s voice, we need quiet time with Christ in adoration of the Holy Eucharist or other ways of prayer and contemplation. Christ often spent quiet time alone in nature praying. Moreover, study of the faith is necessary.

Chastity

Chastity is vital prior to marriage and also within marriage. Paul VI requested that educators and civic leaders “create an atmosphere favorable to the growth of chastity so that true liberty may prevail over license and the norms of the moral law may be fully safeguarded.”⁴⁰ St. Augustine calls conjugal faith the “faith of chastity” because it blossoms profusely within that sacred bond.⁴¹ Friendship with Christ makes this possible. The world will say it is impossible, but we are not of this world, as Jesus says to his Father in the Gospel of John:

“I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth” (Jn 17:14–17 NIV).

Conclusion

The current state of marriage and the family in our secular world is cause for concern and could possibly lead one to despair. However, Christ is the victor and I think it is helpful to think in terms of individuals rather than statistics. All of us know beautiful families who are living out their vocation in purity and truth bathed in the light of Christ. These sterling examples will inspire young people to remain chaste and to embark on their own path of Holy Matrimony. Trusting our lives to Christ and his Church will save our souls and hopefully will bring a resurgence in marriage. As Fr. Petri explained:

God has also revealed that all things will be restored in Christ and so we pray for that to happen. And we pray that this moral decline that we’re witnessing, will inevitably, as it will, bring about some sort of chastisement but that God will in fact heal our country and bring us back to the right path.⁴²

In this article I have demonstrated that friendship with Christ is one of the surest ways to remain faithful to his teachings when the going gets tough. Aristotle, in the Nicomachean Ethics, would find friendship with God absurd,⁴³ but we do not because Jesus said at the Last Supper, “I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn 15:15). As Dr. Alan Fimister explained to me, this statement “implicitly contains the revelation of the Blessed Trinity itself and elevates man to participation in the divine nature.”⁴⁴ The unitive and procreative qualities of marriage, coupled with joy in raising a family and with the spouses mutually encouraging each other to grow in the interior life, is now and has been for millennia a reality for many Catholics around the world. May this love grow, blossom, and bring forth fruit!