Listening, Suffering, and the Young and the Old

In the Book of Tobit we have, in the prayers of Tobit and Sarah (Tobit, 3:1–6, 11–15), the young and the old who are so distressed that they want to die: that they want God to take their life from them or help them — but God helps both of them and His Providence embraces us all. In other words, there is this dialogue with God that allows each of them, young and old, to put before Him how they are and the real circumstances and impossible sufferings in their lives. But, if this dialogue is no longer there, what is left?

There are a growing number of “nones”: of people of no religion. According to a website advertising Youth Work through forming “small group ministries,” “80% of Catholics who leave the Church to join the ranks of the “nones” are younger than age 23.”¹

Let us consider, then, a brief review of a number of sufferings in our society, many if not all of which center on our relationships; and, ultimately, our faith is about God acting in our relationships. We are called, after all, to love God and our neighbor. If, therefore, people withdraw from the Christian Faith, not only is there the question of how vulnerable we are to the destruction of our relationships, but also, and in a way more importantly, what will enable us to see why it is worth returning to Christ and His Church?

The running sores in our society

Now we have both suicide and euthanasia, where people either kill themselves or others kill them. There is even a suggestion of bringing in a category of euthanasia for those who are called “terminally anorexic,” except that one young person was very grateful that death was not available to her when her anorexia was threatening her life.² Indeed, we have numerous ways to suffocate suffering: drugs; endless videos; drink; and abortion. While abortion is advocated as a “solution” to the problem of pregnancy, the reality of abortion is the death of a child. Moreover, as a longitudinal study shows, the women suffered health problems that were not there before. “The many women represented in this study [over 4,800 women, followed up over 17 years] were so traumatized by their abortions they sought out treatment for their deteriorating mental health.”³

How vulnerable are the vulnerable to changes in legislation that are not based on truth: “In 1983 the 8th amendment [of the Irish Constitution], guaranteeing the right to life of the unborn, was approved by 67% of voters in a nationwide referendum. Thirty-five years later, in 2018, the 8th amendment was rejected in another referendum by precisely the same percentage of voters: 67%.”

Why this change to the Irish Constitution? Has the truth about the beginning of each one of us changed? Or is the truth about the beginning of human life being lost in the various political cross currents that inevitably exist in any society?⁴  What happened to the fact that for every mother there is a father and fathers suffer too!⁵ What will follow? Is there a connection between the growing number of fatherless children (1 in 4 children in America are without a father)⁶ and the destruction of the rights of the father: of recognizing that a child has a father as well as a mother? In the UK, “Dad deprivation is directly related to . . . [the doubling of incarceration in prison], and to suicide, which is the number one killer of British men aged under 45.”⁷ On the other hand, nobody pretends that fathers do not have sins; they are imperfect, but is that any different from mothers or anybody else for that matter? Or are we talking about a blame culture in which, almost inevitably, if there is no original sin which impacts us all, then it has to be the father who is at fault? But, at the same time, fatherless boys can develop into fathering men.⁸

If another amendment is passed it could mean that Irish mothers, who are currently protected by the Constitution if they wish to stay at home with their children, will then be obligated to find work, even if they are mothers of young children.⁹ In the event, the country voted to retain the explicit wording of the Irish Constitution which said “mothers shall not be obliged by economic necessity to engage in labor to the neglect of their duties in the home.”¹⁰ In other words, although 65% of the country voted to retain the wording, “mothers shall not be obliged . . . to engage in labor,” the question arises as to why 67% of the population voted to drop the Constitution’s defense of unborn children when an unborn child has a mother. A woman is not a mother without a child. Why, then, is there a disconnect between being a mother, having a child, and the defense of human life?

We live in a society in which divorce is the outcome of almost half of all marriage in the UK¹¹ and in over a third of all marriages in America.¹² 44% of all children under 21 have not grown up with both parents.¹³ Moreover, couples can take out a legal “pre-nuptial agreement” that is signed before a marriage and which specifies who gets what if there is a divorce.¹⁴ If contraceptives, surgery which takes away fertility, and abortion are all unnecessary interventions, is it any surprise that there are other forms of unnecessary surgery? What, then, is the culture out of which a person comes into society? Is it a culture that is afraid of reconciliation: of being unable to forgive? Is it a culture that cannot give without, as it were, taking back what is given? Is it a culture in which appearance is paramount?

Running away at 14, 50 years ago, I returned home, frightened by what was “out there”; and now, 50 years on, there are 100,000 children who run away each year.¹⁵ Around the same time, roughly 14 years old, I tried to commit suicide; now, in the UK, suicides in the 15–19 age group “rose to 198 in 2021. This is the highest number in over 30 years.”¹⁶ In America, Dr. Toolin-Wilson tried to commit suicide 60 years ago,¹⁷ she has since written a book, married, obtained a doctorate, and still works in higher education. Now, in New York alone, suicide is the second highest cause of death after accidents “in teens and young adults.”¹⁸ More generally, the “pandemic left millions of American teens suffering, mentally, and led more than 800,000 to seriously consider suicide.”¹⁹

In general, “Covid-19 . . . seriously exacerbated problems such as anxiety, depression and self-harm among school-age children”;²⁰ and, therefore, in one month, post Covid-19, there were 420,000 children “treated for mental health problems.”²¹ At the same time, these phenomena are not restricted to the UK and the USA, as there are extremes of family breakdown in Japan. 700,000 young people are not ever going out, to the point where they are called “stay-ins”; and around 30,000, although this number is uncertain, mainly men dying in isolation and not being discovered, very often, until the corpse has begun to break down. By implication, it seems, women fare far better at keeping integrated in society than men do.²² At the same time, the statistics for pilgrimages are telling us, too, that many people are on the move and are discovering their value: “In 2012, 715,000 [went to Lourdes] and . . . 570,000 pilgrims attended pilgrimage events.”²³

Moreover, in South Korea,²⁴ young people have suffered such long and stressful years of studying as children and as working as adults that they do not want to marry and the country’s birthrate is the lowest in the world.²⁵  Whereas in  “Asia-Pacific,” where 60% of the world’s youth population is, including countries like China, Russia, India, the Philippines and many others, 51 in all, there is a growing problem of teenage pregnancies; however, instead of counseling abstinence and the spiritual resources to make it possible, the World Economic Forum advocates contraceptives and abortion among other measures.²⁶

Do, then, the young and the old have anything to offer to each other?²⁷  (cf. Ps 148:7, 12). Does anyone seek the wisdom of God (cf. Ps. 14:2) that is to be found? (cf. Mt 7:7–8). If, indeed, as the social evidence shows, the structure of everyday family life is breaking down, as Christianity seems to be sinking into the sand, what response can be made that will benefit young people? Indeed, if the central mystery of the suffering, death, and resurrection of Christ is being drained out of our culture, what can be done to show that God loves to help us?

The possibility of the transmission of faith

The infancy narratives, including Zechariah and the parents of the infant Jesus’ visits to the temple, the pilgrimage they make, are all saturated with references to what was, up to that point, the whole Bible. In other words, the whole impression, without going into a detailed analysis of the biblical text, is of devout parents, who are immersed in the history and prayer of Israel, immersing their child in it too.

For, if pilgrimage was a regular event, and parents were called to tell their children what and why they are doing it (cf. Dt 6:6–7, 20–25), then their family would be very preoccupied with preparations for pilgrimage, as we were,²⁸ both in leading up to the event and going through with it. What is more, this word of God, with which they are all familiar, is a prophetic word (cf. Lk 1:45, 55), which is constantly addressing life as it is lived and providing Mary, Joseph, and others too, with words to ponder (cf. Lk 2:19, 51; and Lk 1:66). Just, then, as there is this relationship between the history of Israel and the Holy Family, both immediate, extended, and those connected with them through the various events written about, so with ourselves, our Christian faith is a faith which in and of itself and how it is lived, is always a faith to be both received and transmitted.

On the one hand, Pope Francis addresses the youth of the world with his invitation to get up, like Mary, and to go in haste,²⁹ which was taken up by people preparing to go on pilgrimage to Lisbon; and, in addition, he invited young people to meditate on various figures in the Old Testament, such as Samuel, David, the Jewish servant girl who told Naaman the leper to go and meet the prophet in Israel (cf. 2 Kg 5:2–6)³⁰ and, by implication, these were a witness to others in their lives too, like David witnessed to Saul. Thus there is the early call of Samuel, with Eli the priest teaching him to recognize the voice of the Lord (cf. 1 Sam 3:2–9), indeed, helping to open his ear. David, the King, who rests from a battle that is going on and falls into sin (cf. 2 Sam 11:1–27); and, therefore, the Lord is admonishing us to stay in the fight against sin. The Jewish servant girl giving Naaman the leper advice (2 Kings 5: 1, 14) indicating that we can point others to Christ and His word if we are clear how it has helped us. Ruth, too, was attracted to follow her mother-in-law’s God after the death of her husband (cf. Ru 1:1–18), yet she also showed boldness in getting ahead in life (cf. Ru 4:1–17).³¹ But also, on the other hand, there are the saints³² and those, closer to our own time, who are almost saints.

So let us consider, however briefly, their contribution to preparing or helping us to live through sufferings. For, if the withdrawal of Christianity is opening a wound in our culture, it is that we no longer know the significance of suffering or the hope of the resurrection, either now or at the end of time, such that wherever suffering breaks out, as it were, we want to suppress it, either with medicalizing numbness or with death.

Blessed Dominic Barberi (1792–1849)

In 1720, an Italian, St. Paul of the Cross (1694–1775) founded the Passionists because he saw that the passion of Christ was poorly understood and he wanted to make it central to his religious order. Thus, in terms of our modern “withdrawal” from Christianity, it could be argued that it was already happening in the eighteenth century; and, while only remotely, this prepared for both the Second Vatican Council’s reclaiming the relationship between the Jewish Passover Lamb,³³ the celebration that marked Israel’s departure from slavery in Egypt and founds, as it were, the Passover of Christ. Returning to St. Paul of the Cross:

he “saw the Passion as the greatest, most overwhelming, work of God’s love. For Paul the Passion was a revelation of the love of God: it was not about placating an angry God, or about guilt, or even in a sense about suffering, except in as much as the suffering of one who is loved will lead to the one who loves to compassion for the sufferer, that is, suffering-with.”³⁴

So Blessed Dominic Barberi, also a Passionist, both practiced penance and prayed for England to return to Christ,³⁵ such that after 28 years he arrived in England in 1841.³⁶ However, the point to be made here is that even when a person is trained in religion, as it were, to both accept difficulties and self-imposed penance, there can still come upon them a moment when life seems impossible : “Last Sunday, I broke down and wept bitterly. I can do no more. The cross is too heavy. My God, if You intend to increase it, You must increase my strength too.”³⁷ In other words, even the person who is prepared to see the significance of his suffering can still cry out for help, as did the Lord (cf. Mt 26:36–46); but what hope is there, otherwise, for people who are not prepared to suffer and who do not know the secret help that God gives.

Carmen Hernández (1930–2016)

“The Neocatechumenal Way began in 1964 in the slums of Palomeras Altas, Madrid, through the work of Mr. Francisco (Kiko) Argüello and Ms. Carmen Hernández who, at the request of the poor with whom they were living, began to proclaim to them the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As time passed, this kerygma [or saving announcement of the love of God for the sinner and the faraway] was embodied in a catechetical synthesis, founded on the tripod: ‘Word of God-Liturgy-Community,’ that seeks to lead people to fraternal communion and mature faith.”³⁸

As a child, Carmen used to go through the Cathedral on her way to school and, at some point, she heard the Gospel of the miraculous catch of fish and, in some way, it spoke to her of a possible vocation (cf. Lk 5:1–11). As she got older and expressed her desire to become a Christian missionary, her father objected and wanted her to study chemistry, which she did. Later, when she was old enough, she left home to join the Missionaries of Jesus Christ, but they did not allow her to continue with them.³⁹ Her rejection led to a freedom to “go anywhere” and she met Kiko “in the shanty towns of Palomeras Altas, near Madrid (Spain)” and, together, they co-founded a Way of adult formation in the Christian faith.⁴⁰

Around fifteen years after beginning this missionary work with Kiko, Carmen started a diary, the first entry of which is in January 1979.⁴¹ Thus, although this is a diary entry, it is in the context of now accompanying and being accompanied by her fellow catechist, Kiko Argüello, and sharing the work of giving catecheses with Fr. Mario Pezzi and others. The late Fr. Ian Ker, the great Newman scholar, spoke of the Holy Spirit raising up Charismatic movements which are complementary to the hierarchical Church.⁴²

My concern here, however, is with her suffering: that even if she is in the forefront of a post or pre-baptismal way of formation, drawing on the Second Vatican Council’s work, including reflection on and recovery of the early catechumenate of the Church, she is full of angst about what is happening. And so, referring to her earlier life, she says: “Then I was happy, today I’m sad.” But the entry continues and ends by addressing Christ: “Come, visit me, visit your land. I love you.”⁴³ In other words, it is her relationship to Christ which sustains her 52-year collaboration with Kiko which, as she says in her diary, was at times helpful, inspirational, and unbearable. Along with her smoking, inability to speak at times, and the constant call to listen to others, she is always calling on Christ to help her.

An episode from my own life (1956-)

As the first two examples are from the lives of religious, my third example is from my own life as a married man, given that most people want to marry, do marry, and probably hope to remain married.

To begin with, I could not marry and went through several relationships, discovering as I went that, although I periodically went to the Catholic Church, I had no faith: Marriage was, to me, an inescapable suffering and it was an impossibility for me to enter. At forty, then, after yet another failed relationship, I was on my own with three possibilities: going mad; going further into sin; committing suicide. As it happened, by now I had started reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) as, after many failed courses, I was completing a degree in theology; and, suddenly, I read that if God can create all that exists out of nothing, He can make a new beginning for the sinner — me! (CCC, 298).

So what changed? Everything! I married and we began a family which has, thank God, continued for 26 years with eight children with us and two in heaven. But, when we married, I was working as a laundry laborer, earning 3.50 pence an hour, my wife was a library assistant, and we lived in the basement flat of my parent’s house.

I recall, then, a time of crisis beyond that of having pneumonia, clots on my legs and lungs, unemployment, temporary work and little money above our daily needs. At the time of this particular crisis there were now four children already, with a fifth on the way. I was exhausted as a result of underlying illnesses and deficiencies, trying to complete yet another post-graduate course, find work, and overwhelmed with the impossibility of ever being able to have a home of our own. Thus I lay on the floor, unable to cry, but cried out to God. What happened? My mother decided to sell her house in a year’s time, but it was sold one month later. Unable to come to terms with it, I reluctantly packed, with the help of our church Community, and we moved, three times, the last time of which we ended up in our current, Council House, and have lived in it since the birth of our fifth child, some twenty years ago!

The relationship between generations, as we have seen, traverses time and draws, notably, on Mary, the Mother of God and Mother of all Christians,⁴⁴ who listens both to Christ and to us.

What, then, can inform our lives when it comes to the transmission of faith both in the family and beyond?

Mary “opened her heart to God’s plan. She reminds us of the first and greatest of the commandments: ‘Hear, O Israel’ (Deut 6:4), because more important than any precept is our need to enter into a relationship with God by accepting the gift of the love that he comes to bring us.”⁴⁵

In the book of Deuteronomy, having brought them out of Egypt and a life of suffering, slavery, and misery to the point of death, God says to His people, three times: “Listen Israel” (Dt 5:1; 6:3; and 6:4­5). In other words, listening to the word of God is a priority — if not the priority! For the word of God illuminates both who Christ is and who we are.⁴⁶ Indeed, it is God who opens our “ear” (cf. Is 50:5). As, then, I have read the first volume of the diaries of Carmen Hernández, I realize that so much of the work which she and others did is to listen with discernment as to whether the lives of brothers and sisters in the communities are being illuminated by the word of God: “Listening to everyone consoles me.”⁴⁷ So maybe this Way can be understood as a fulfillment of a word from Isaiah: the “Lord God has opened my ear” (Is 50:5); and, therefore, on this path, we are called to listen to God and to each other.

The suffering we experience

Coming back, then, to the theme of the intelligibility of suffering, on the one hand there is the possibility that we will not understand all we want to, possibility because God calls us to humility and the mystery of entering the depths of suffering, like Christ, in which, almost, all we can do is cry out: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (cf. Mt 27:47). And, in the depths of Christ’s suffering and resurrection, we encounter the deepest mystery of all: the suffering of the innocents: of those aborted; of those who have lost their lives while children, on the edge of war and not a part of it, of those doing good and who are killed and, ultimately, of those martyred for the truth and for their Christian faith.

On the other hand, there are insights, as it were, that we can gain from the word of God which help us to see that we share many sins with our generation and that, therefore, we are called to share, also, the hope of help we have received in this life and the possibility of eternal life to come. In the context, then, of Morning Prayer, parents can share how God has helped them with their sufferings, even before marriage, but certainly in marriage, so that the children experience not only an opportunity to share their own trials but also to give substance to the hope that Christ comes to help marriage and family life (cf. Jn 2:1–12). Thus the vocation to Christian marriage can be re-founded on the Christian life.

In a word, if diverse people in different states of the Christian life experience sufferings which cause them to cry out, like Christ, how much more do young people need to be drawn into this Christian heritage and to rediscover what helps a person to persevere, to be able to offer a word of hope for our children, and to awaken us all to the horizon of eternal life.